The pain never goes away.  It is there with you every second that you breathe, every step that you take.  Gradually it softens and becomes a part of your life, a part of who you are, a part of the relationship between you and your child.  In time this new life seems so normal it IS normal.  Normal to cry, normal to feel sad, normal to be thinking of your child all the time; normal for him/her not to be in your life.  You may hate how it makes you feel, but you cannot change anything and so you get on with your life and carry your pain through each day.
Sometimes it is unbearable, eating away at the foundations of the new life you have fought so hard to build.  It tears apart the strength you have wrapped around your broken dreams and exposes the damage you have suffered since your child died.
Child Bereavement Trust

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God looked around his garden
And found an empty place
He then looked down upon the earth
And saw your tired face.
He put his arms around you
And lifted you to rest,
God's garden must be beautiful
He only takes the best.
He knew the roads were getting rough
And the hills were hard to climb
So he closed your weary eyelids
And whispered "Peace be thine"
It broke our hearts to lose you
But you did not go alone
For part of us went with you
The day God called you home.

Read by Val at Allan's funeral
5th June 2004

You can shed tears that he is gone
Or you can smile because he lived,
You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared,
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on,
You can cry, close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what he would want:

Smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

Read by Mags Shelton at Allan's funeral
5th June 2004

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A butterfly lights beside us, like a sunbeam....
And for a brief moment it's glory and beauty belong to our world.
And then it flies on again,
And although we wish it could have stayed
We are so thankful to have seen it at all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please don't ask me if I'm over it yet,
I'll never be over it.
Please don't tell me he's in a better place,
He isn't here with me.
Please don't say at least he isn't suffering,
I haven't come to terms yet with why
he had to suffer at all.
Please don't tell me you know how I feel,
Unless you have lost a child.
Please don't ask me if I feel better,
Bereavement isn't a condition that clears up.
Please don't tell me at least I had him for twenty years,
What year would you choose for your child to die?
Please don't tell me God never gives us
more than we can bear.
Please just say you are sorry.
Please just say you remember my child, if you do.
Please just let me talk about my child,
Please mention my child's name,
Please, just let me cry.

Author unknown

Don't think of him as gone away
His journey's just begun,
Life holds so many facets
This earth is only one.
Just think of him as resting
From the sorrow and the tears
In a place of warmth and comfort
Where there are no days or years.
Think how he must be wishing
That we could know, today,
How nothing but our sadness
Can really pass away.
And think of him as living
In the hearts of those he touched,
For nothing loved is ever lost...
And he was loved so much.

By E. Brenneman

Sent to me by Carolyn and Mike on Allan's 21st birthday,
March 20th 2005

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 "A loved one lives forever in the hearts of those who cared.
    A loved one lives forever in the memories that were shared."